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dumb-thief
Home Up Ham Radio Family Recreation Career Humor Ministry Recipes

dumb-thief
<< forwards are sure they are not related to these people... >> 

     The criminal mind -- a bastian mercilessly free from the ravages of
     intelligence....
     bb

                  Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame


   Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a
   cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
   their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
   machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared,
   they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached
   to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
   their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

   (Editor's Note 1: And they wonder why we call them "Yahoos" ...)

   South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a
   bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it
   was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him
   be arrested immediately.

   Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and
   demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him
   the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

   England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up
   at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf,
   the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a
   "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate
   his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics
   was found in the golf bag.

   Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for
   Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-
   old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2
   years in jail.

   Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
   in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he
   provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

   (Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
   announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his
   head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

   (Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
   and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While
   it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was
   located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
   himself stealing the camera.)

   (Location Unknown):  A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
   through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in
   the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the
   money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window
   through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly.
   So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

   Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal
   a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
   refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
   The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons
   decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*
   walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house,
   and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked
   the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

   (Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience
   store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
   for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
   a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
   promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--
   leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
   got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.


Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio. Permission is hereby granted to forward this
document, as long as it is forwarded in its entirety -- that is, from the "SUBJ:" line
through to this line.