In our efforts to keep you current on everything, we are providing you with more terms to add to your computer glossary.
Analog - Hours d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed nuts. Served at staff parties.
Apple - Typically, a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with display screens and/or worms.
Bar Chart - A list of places to go when it's Miller Time.
Binary - Possessing ability to have friends of both sexes.
Bit - Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. See Byte.
BPI - A 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, as in "You bet your bpi".
Bubble Memory - A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence.
Bug - Small living things that small boys throw on small living girls.
Byte - A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?".
Carriage Return - When they come to repossess you horse and buggy.
CPU - A juvenile way of telling the dog he missed the paper.
Character Density - The number of very weird people in the office.
Chip - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.
Code - Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat, runny nose and fever.
Command - Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
Compile - A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
Conversational Mode - Describes the typical office the day after a major sporting event.
CRT - A device which causes eye strain. See Monitor.
Cursor - An expert in four-letter words.
Debug - The act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping creature.
Disk - The thing in your back that gives out when you try to lift the computer.
Downtime - Coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday in the office.
Dump - The EPA's answer to health.
Hardware - It's never the hardware. See Software.
K - The eleventh letter of the alphabet.
Keyboard - When the secretary's tired of typing.
Megahertz - A very large rental car.
Monitor - A device that causes eye strain. - See CRT.
Network - The occupation of a fisherman.
On Line - A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being called out.
Program - What commercials try to do to us.
RAM - A male sheep.
ROM - A RAM after a delicate operation.
Semi Conductor - A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school.
Software - It's never the software. See Hardware.
Terminal - What most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor.