In our efforts to keep you current on everything, we are providing you with more terms to add to your computer glossary.

Analog - Hours d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed nuts. Served at staff parties.

Apple - Typically, a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with display screens and/or worms.

Bar Chart - A list of places to go when it's Miller Time.

Binary - Possessing ability to have friends of both sexes.

Bit - Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. See Byte.

BPI - A 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, as in "You bet your bpi".

Bubble Memory - A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence.

Bug - Small living things that small boys throw on small living girls.

Byte - A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?".

Carriage Return - When they come to repossess you horse and buggy.

CPU - A juvenile way of telling the dog he missed the paper.

Character Density - The number of very weird people in the office.

Chip - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.

Code - Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat, runny nose and fever.

Command - Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.

Compile - A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.

Conversational Mode - Describes the typical office the day after a major sporting event.

CRT - A device which causes eye strain. See Monitor.

Cursor - An expert in four-letter words.

Debug - The act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping creature.

Disk - The thing in your back that gives out when you try to lift the computer.

Downtime - Coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday in the office.

Dump - The EPA's answer to health.

Hardware - It's never the hardware. See Software.

K - The eleventh letter of the alphabet.

Keyboard - When the secretary's tired of typing.

Megahertz - A very large rental car.

Monitor - A device that causes eye strain. - See CRT.

Network - The occupation of a fisherman.

On Line - A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being called out.

Program - What commercials try to do to us.

RAM - A male sheep.

ROM - A RAM after a delicate operation.

Semi Conductor - A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school.

Software - It's never the software. See Hardware.

Terminal - What most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor.