Too Much Coffee

* Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.

* You answer the door BEFORE people knock

* You converted your car's radiator so you can brew a pot on the way to work.

* You insist on calling every waiter "Jean Luc."

* When someone asks "How are you?" Your reply "Good to the last drop."

* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

* Your face is on the Columbian postage stamp.

* Your thermos is on wheels.

* You can play ping pong without a partner.

* Your coffee filters are monogrammed.

* Your kids are named "Joe", "Jo" and "Java"

* Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

* You chew on other people's fingernails.

* You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

* You speed walk in your sleep.

* Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You can jump start your car without cables.

* You listen to speed metal to relax.

* You can photograph yourself from ten feet away without a timer.

* You ski uphill. >* You have to watch videos in fast forward.

* You channel surf faster without the remote.

* You get a speeding ticket when your car is parked.