GRAND PRIZE WINNER
     When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when
     toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side
     facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back
     of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the
     ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed
     monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
 
  RUNNERS-UP:
     #1
     If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
     number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun
     rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
     eventually produce all the world's great literary works in
     Braille.
 
     #2
     Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the
     pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside
     your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
     they must yawn to even it out.
 
     #3
     Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
     they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
     communicate ideas at a faster rate.
 
     #4
     The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
     Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
     arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
     trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
 
  HONORABLE MENTION:
     #1
     Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the
     world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth to
     spin on its axis.
 
     #2
     The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is
     that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
     downhill. Besides, they get better gas mileage that way.
 
     #3
     The quantity of consonants in the English language is
     constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.
     When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate
     southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in
     "erl wells."