Since Microsoft is on a hiring spree, when I came across an article that gave a list collected by the Robert Half employment agency, I thought that it was appropriate. These are actual quotes from resumes submitted to them.
* "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
* "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor, and spreadsheat programs."
* "Recieved a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
* "Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."
* "Marital status: often. Children: various."
* "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
* "You will want me to be Head Honhco in no time."
* "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
* "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. ...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
* "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
* "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
* "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
* "Note: Please don't miscontstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never quit a job."
* "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
* "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
* "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
* "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."