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Polish That Resume
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Since Microsoft is on a hiring spree, when I came across an article that gave a list collected by the Robert Half employment agency, I thought that it was appropriate. These are actual quotes from resumes submitted to them.

* "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

* "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor, and spreadsheat programs."

* "Recieved a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

* "Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."

* "Marital status: often. Children: various."

* "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

* "You will want me to be Head Honhco in no time."

* "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

* "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. ...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

* "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

* "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."

* "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."

* "Note: Please don't miscontstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never quit a job."

* "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

* "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

* "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

* "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."