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computerese
Home Up Ham Radio Family Recreation Career Humor Ministry Recipes

computerese
<< forwards still curious about interrupt latency... >> 

640K barrier:           the finish line in a mega-marathon
access time:            foreplay
analog:                 what Ana tosses into the fire
assembly language:      put tab A into slot B, then put tab C...
audit trail:            what the IRS does
Bandwidth:              limited by the size of the stage
Battery Backup:         going in reverse in a golf cart
BBS:                    t-telling t-tall s-stories
benchmark:              what happens when your saw hits the bench
cache memory:           remembering how much you spent
carrier detect:         "I see the mail man!"
CASE:                   24 bottles
Control Character:      prison guard
conventional memory:    remembering what you did at COMDEX
copy protection:        wearing a condom
copyright:              vs. copy wrong
cursor:                 a garbage mouth
daisy chain:            a dog's leash
DAT:                    the opposite of DIS
deadly embrace:         making love to King Kong
delimiter:              some who says, "Stop, that's enough"
density:                how to measure IQs of blondes
dhrystones:             the stones that were tossed out of the water
DIP switch:             how my sister gets a new boy friend
dot pitch:              "Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball"
EMS:                    happens just before PMS
escape sequence:        Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence...
Ethernet:               used to catch Ether
fixed disk:             a broken disk that comes back from the shop
flash EPROM:            what they have on 90210
flat file:              a file with all the air out of it
full duplex:            a 2-family house with 16 occupants
groupware:              clothes swapping
hacker:                 a heavy smoker
hand scanner:           singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings
heap:                   what I drive
high density diskette:  a very stupid floppy
home computer:          what you tell your computer when it follows you
hypertext:              text on amphetamines
ink jet:                a plane used for sky writing
integrated circuit:     a circuit with racially diverse components
joystick:               (requires little explanation)
local bus:              stops at every intersection
lost chains:            euphoria experienced by the recently divorced
low-level language:     for basement programmers
high-level language:    for penthouse programmers
machine dependency:     an affliction of machine users
mag tape:               tape used on the wheels of cars
mainframe:              akin to "main squeeze"
main memory:            remembering where the water line is
math coprocessor:       the person you cheated from in math class
megaflop:               the worst play you ever saw
minicomputer:           the peer to Mickey's computer
modem:                  what the gardener did to the lawns
multi-sync:             can be sunk more than once
on-line:                where the birds sit
overlay:                chickens making too many eggs
pentium:                the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
plotter:                a deceitful person
postscript:             grafitti on a pole
record locking:         what you do to your Beatle White Album
right justified:        vs. wrongly justified
software piracy:        stealing a ship's program
streaming tape:         party decorations
subroutine:             not quite routine
token ring:             a group of people passing the bong
twisted pair:           tubes tied
word wrap:              inner city music
Ymodem:                 because, modem

----------------------
The Artist Formerly Known As Cary
who notes that this article was "slightly" edited for publication:-)