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whale
Home Up Ham Radio Family Recreation Career Humor Ministry Recipes

whale
                     The Farside comes to life in Oregon.
     
        I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it 
        all on videotape.  The tape is from a local TV news show in 
        Oregon, which sent a reporter out to cover the removal of a 
        45-foot, eight-ton dead whale that washed up on the beach.  The 
        responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed on the 
        Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory that 
        highways and whales are very similar in the sense of being large 
        objects.
     
        So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan--remember, I 
        am not making this up--of blowing up the whale with dynamite.  
        The thinking is that the whale would be blown into small pieces, 
        which would be eaten by seagulls, and that would be that.  A 
        textbook whale removal.
     
        So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton 
        of dynamite next to the whale and set it off.  I am probably not 
        guilty of understatement when I say that what follows, on the 
        videotape, is the most wonderful event in the history of the 
        universe.  First you see the whale carcass disappear in a huge 
        blast of smoke and flame.  Then you hear the happy spectators 
        shouting "Yayy!" and "Whee!" Then, suddenly, the crowd's tone 
        changes. You hear a new sound like "splud."  You hear a woman's 
        voice shouting "Here come pieces of...MY GOD!"  Something smears 
        the camera lens.
     
        Later, the reporter explains: "The humor of the entire situation 
        suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale 
        blubber fell everywhere."  One piece caved in the roof of a car 
        parked more than a quarter of a mile away.  Remaining on the 
        beach were several rotting whale sectors the size of condominium 
        units.  There was no sign of the seagulls who had no doubt 
        permanently relocated to Brazil.  This is a very sobering 
        videotape.  Here at the institute we watch it often, especially 
        at parties.
     
        But this is no time for gaiety.  This is a time to get hold of 
        the folks at the Oregon State Highway Division and ask them, 
        when they get done cleaning up the beaches, to give us an 
        estimate on the US Capitol.

        (Written by Dave Barry(?), circa 1990?)
     
        Tom Mahoney, #9,  Coast Guard Sqn.1/Div.13 CatLo 
        CGC-82308 "Pt. White"
        (Danang Harbor, TET '68)