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Redneck Tech Terms
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The Redneck's Guide to Computer Lingo

 

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don't add wood.

Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.

Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)

Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.

Disk Operating System: The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.

RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.

Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.

Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.

Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.

Screen: What you need for black fly season.

Byte: What black flies do.

Chip: What to munch on.

Micro Chip: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.

Modem: What you did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.

Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy

Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.

Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.

486 MB: One of them fancy imported cars.

Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn.

Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds the roof up.

Port: Fancy wine.

Enter: C'mon in!

Random Access Memory: You can't remember how much that new rifle cost when your wife asks.

Digital: Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.

Apple: If you don't know, I ain't tellin'.

Program: What's on TV when there's reception.

DIN: The noise at the barn dance.

Laser: Someone less ambitious than you.

Line In: Whatcha do when you go fishin' or whacha dry yer laundry on.