The Redneck's Guide to Computer Lingo
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)
Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.
Disk Operating System: The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.
RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen: What you need for black fly season.
Byte: What black flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.
Modem: What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy
Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
486 MB: One of them fancy imported cars.
Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in!
Random Access Memory: You can't remember how much that new rifle cost when your wife asks.
Digital: Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
Apple: If you don't know, I ain't tellin'.
Program: What's on TV when there's reception.
DIN: The noise at the barn dance.
Laser: Someone less ambitious than you.
Line In: Whatcha do when you go fishin' or whacha dry yer laundry on.