The Redneck's Guide to Computer Lingo
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don't add wood. Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!) Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood. Disk Operating System: The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk. RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work. Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season. Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season. Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below. Screen: What you need for black fly season. Byte: What black flies do. Chip: What to munch on. Micro Chip: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone. Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around. Modem: What you did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife. Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive. Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy Keyboard: Where you hang your keys. Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils. 486 MB: One of them fancy imported cars. Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn. Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds the roof up. Port: Fancy wine. Enter: C'mon in! Random Access Memory: You can't remember how much that new rifle cost when your wife asks. Digital: Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock. Apple: If you don't know, I ain't tellin'. Program: What's on TV when there's reception. DIN: The noise at the barn dance. Laser: Someone less ambitious than you. Line In: Whatcha do when you go fishin' or whacha dry yer laundry on.
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